The New Vampire s Handbook A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night Being turned into a vampire is the easy part Actually becoming a vampire is far difficult In today s world of vampire obsessed pop culture misinformation abounds A newly turned vampire who looks to m

  • Title: The New Vampire's Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night
  • Author: Joe Garden Scott Sherman Janet Ginsburg Chris Pauls Anita Serwacki
  • ISBN: 9780345508560
  • Page: 333
  • Format: Paperback
  • Being turned into a vampire is the easy part Actually becoming a vampire is far difficult In today s world of vampire obsessed pop culture, misinformation abounds A newly turned vampire who looks to movies and novels for answers to everlasting life s questions will inevitably be reduced to a smoldering pile of dust So whom can you, a neophyte immortal, trust to prBeing turned into a vampire is the easy part Actually becoming a vampire is far difficult In today s world of vampire obsessed pop culture, misinformation abounds A newly turned vampire who looks to movies and novels for answers to everlasting life s questions will inevitably be reduced to a smoldering pile of dust So whom can you, a neophyte immortal, trust to provide reliable information and proven strategies for leading your best and bloodiest existence The Vampire Miles Proctor, editor of The New Vampire s Handbook In this definitive guide, the newly turned will find a head to toe look at your vampiric body how to harness your new powers to dispatch mortal enemies, maintain your fangs, and embrace your vampirosexuality methods for luring prey, faking your way through meals, approaching other vampires, and creating a four hundred year financial plan tips on acting your age, behaving appropriately if you see a human you knew decades ago, and dealing with epic vampire feuds essential advice for blending in with the masses, from finding a coven to avoiding the media and mirrors to staying on top of the latest fashion trends the joy of scrapbookingPlus helpful online resources, a glyph guide, renovation instructions for emergency lairs, a Ruling Families directory, nightly mantras, and personal anecdotes from The Vampire Miles Proctor s nearly five hundred years of experience.Welcome to the night.

    • Free Download [Self Help Book] ✓ The New Vampire's Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night - by Joe Garden Scott Sherman Janet Ginsburg Chris Pauls Anita Serwacki ¼
      333 Joe Garden Scott Sherman Janet Ginsburg Chris Pauls Anita Serwacki
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      Posted by:Joe Garden Scott Sherman Janet Ginsburg Chris Pauls Anita Serwacki
      Published :2018-04-03T14:41:59+00:00

    One thought on “The New Vampire's Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night”

    1. I picked this book up as a joke from the bargain bin, but it turned out to be a genuinely interesting and immersive read. The author has really constructed a solid mythology and dives into established vampire lore as well as inventing plenty of new stuff. I was especially surprised by the extensive chapters on vampire relationships, sexuality and even polyamory, issues which are treated with respect and a lot of consideration. I'm not even really into vampire books, but this book had me fascinat [...]

    2. Not bad for a dip in and out book if you like vampires of the 'realistic'-not-sexy variety. A few laugh out loud gems that I really enjoyed for the first 75 pages or so.Then it got old and it got old fast.It felt like the authour(s) were trying way too hard to be funny and the comdey of the style and writing started to feel repetitious and flat and boring.I gave up and I rarely give up on anything.

    3. When a friend told me that she had found a handbook for new vampires, I wanted so much to read it! I thought it was going to be funBut except for one or two entertaining bits, I found the rest of the book boring. It was like I was searching to find the good part. I didn't find it.It's easily read but that's all. I'll return it gladly to my friend.

    4. To be perfectly honest, I did not enjoy reading this book. The only reason it gets two stars instead of one is because some of the lore presented for vampires was interesting. Overall, though, I don't consider this to be a good book. The book is presented through the lens of a narrator, one Miles Proctor. I consider Miles to be rude and conceited, and reading the "Miles says" parts of the book was especially unbearable. I would not recommend this book, to anyone.

    5. Fun, very fast read. Recommended if you want to have fun and not think to much. Great book to read after something more emotional/time consuming.

    6. CheesyHalf the stuff in the book too stupid. No MySpace anymore it is Facebook. Here is dhampir\ hybrids. I could write a better book.

    7. As you can easily guess, this handbook is a humorous fiction, playing off vampiric stereotypes and pop culture. However, I feel I've seen better examples of this type of book.I didn't care for the photographs of people wearing fangs, pretending to be vampires in various situations. I felt that they were somewhat out of place, especially the awkward photographic headshot of the purported author, Miles Proctor, that appeared throughout the book in little popup sections of "Miles Says".The next sli [...]

    8. Since the previous books from my reviews didn't repel you and you now need some pointers when it comes to your new undead life because the tall, dark and handsome probably left you, you are lucky to have this book at your disposal. It will tell you a lot. And by a lot I mean everything. The Vampire who wrote this took into account the flood of newly created vampires without their sires to teach them all about their new lives. He was alarmed by the lack of experience the American vampires had, he [...]

    9. This is one of the funniest vampire books I've ever read in my life. Many of the writers are current or former Onion folks, so that should give you some idea. Written from the viewpoint of a centuries-old vampire trying to help the newly "turned" vamps, this book joyously skewers (stakes?) pop culture's obsession with blood-suckers, yet does so with love. Where the book really hits the mark, though, is in its subtle political and social satire (e.g reading "Atlas Shrugged" and realizing Objectiv [...]

    10. I liked the werewolf version better, which is funny because I prefer vampires. The way this book describes the vampire life is far less glamorous than usual, nights are mostly spent hunting. Doesn't seem too great. Also a few other details that the authors made up I didn't really care for.Furthermore, it seems to be really sexist. All the great vampires are male and women don't seem to be featured at all in vampire life, unless in a typically female setting. Positive point is the few references [...]

    11. I really enjoyed reading this book. It is the ultimate guide for the newly turned vampire to help you to adjust to your new undead life. It has tips on feeding, where to live, how to survive vampire slayers, things to avoid, handy websites, how to use your new strengths and combat your weaknesses. It has stories from your vampire host about mistakes he has made and tips on how to make the most of a natural disaster.It is fully illustrated and these cartoons are very funny. There is a good mix of [...]

    12. This book came out shortly after the zombie survival guide and works from the same basic principle. It's a "How to, for beginners". It gives the reader, and recently turned vampire, all the information you could possibly need to start out your new life as a vampire. I think I bought this book shortly after reading the twilight series, so I was obviously obsessed. I liked this book, it was fun to read and quirky in info. I really enjoyed the fact that the authors were not to serious about the inf [...]

    13. Neat little book that both makes fun of Twilight (sort of, and only a little bit), and references 'real' vampire lore. One of the first books like this that I actually enjoyed and breezed right through.

    14. Pretty humourous "guide" for what you need to prepare yourself for after being turned into a vampire. Pokes fun at Twilight, Anne Rice's vampires, and a few other mythological things about vampires. A neat little read.

    15. you never know when you're going to run into a kid you knew decades ago, when you were five years old, who is somehow still only five years old, because somehow at the age of five he turned into a vampire. i'm just saying. wouldn't you like to be prepared?

    16. It was an amusing read. There were tips about things like making sure you keep up with the current trends and fashions, how to pass as a family, etc. I was entertained.

    17. The definitive and very funny guide to being a vampire. I have learned a lot - who knew vampires and scrapbooking were such a good match?

    18. This book is a very quick, and fun read. It goes over all the essentials for a new vampire. It was very good at answering any questions, but lacked anything extra that impressed me.3/5

    19. This book is funny as hell & I highly recommend this for anyone who likes vampires and has a sense of humour. :)

    20. I oved it. I actually pretended to have recently be turned to a vampire and i had so much fun. I was like "garlic, got it, stay away"

    21. Στην αρχή είχε και πλάκα αλλά δεν κράτησε και για πολύ. Λίγο πριν βαρετό μου φάνηκε σαν να τους τελείωσαν τα καλά αστεία. Κρίμα αφού ήταν καλή ιδέα και γέλασα μερικές φορές παρά πολύ.

    22. Well-written and humorous (what else was I expecting from writers from the Onion though!). Reminds me a lot of Max Brooks "The Zombie Survival Guide," but from the view of a vampire.

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